Sunday, July 7, 2013

Another Shidduch Rant

The pressures of marriage nowadays in our (dare I say) narrow minded orthodox community is causing plenty of agmas nefesh. Do parents, teachers, so called “shaddchanim”, and authoritative figures of our society have any idea what they have created?  It is bad enough that the secular society tells our young impressionable minds that “One day our prince will come.” However, when you are 16, in tenth grade, and your devout Hebrew teacher says that a maidel is never too young or too desperate to start davening for her bashert, I know a line has been crossed.  Are we breeding our youth like animals? “Bachurettes,..the heavier your whimpers, fears, the whiter your tablecloth, the less colorful your nail polish, means the shinier your coats will be and  therefore, the  more likely you will get picked out of a crowd for mating!!” When did we become such a paranoid sect of religion!?  When did we begin to stifle our youth with matters that will be dealt with in due time? Can we not just figure out who we are as beautiful individuals with neshamos whom have been created and are loved by Hashem? Maybe we can have a creative outlet or two, be told to concentrate and appreciate who/where we are now, instead of being bombarded with uncontrollable future statistics? Maybe 22 should not be considered over the hill? Maybe a woman with a head on her shoulders, an education, a means of being independent, of goals (besides being a little woman), who has been allotted time to plant her feet on the ground and come in to her own should be honored in our society. Of course, it is wonderful to be in a good marriage, but why should an intelligent girl be a threat to a boy?  Is it possible dear Morah that if Bachurim and Bachurettes had less pressure to get hitched and breed, but were given more time to come into their own, that divorce rates would go down? Granted our orthodox Jewish community is not the only group still stuck in this proverbial caveman like state, but please everyone (including myself) take some damn chill pills!!

I realize that this matter has been expressed by many a forum, and I know Jewish woman are respected, as well as, able to juggle it all. Yet, I still long for the day when my own children do not feel an incessant overcast of pressure about meeting their zivug within a seriously short time frame, kal vichomer in tenth grade. Can we not shift the focus a bit? There are plenty of worthwhile problems to harp on. Till then, I’ll adopt many a cat and become a cat lady. Cats are way more independent and have an “I don’t give a rats @$$ attitude.” In any case, if we are so incessant about keeping with ancient mindsets, maybe men should be allowed more than one wife. It would certainly fix our statistic problems! Can I get an Amane from all you Bachurim out there?!!   
Short girl 2

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