Thursday, July 11, 2013

Sister Wives

Short girl 1: It's a strange time in life when you start seeing the beauty in ancient practices that made a lot of people miserable.

Sister wives. Multiple women sharing one man.

I imagine this involved way too much tent hopping and a grand dose of jealousy and hatred. But one thing they were not is ..single. It appears that this design was the real way to get it done. Modern society has done us no favors. Anyhow, Short girl 2, how awesome would it be to be sister wives ?? I think I'm excited.

Short girl 2Indeed short girl 1! As I mentioned previously in “Another Shidduch Rant”, one benefit of sister wives would be that our statistical crisis would be over! Our modern era does have multiple perks such as washing machines, ovens, showers, flush-able toilets, and a woman’s opportunity to earn her own wages. However, I see many splendors in this ancient practice. We would share household responsibilities, have double the support for rearing children and maybe even tripple the income!! See, it would truly be the best of both worlds.
Just like we are expected to enjoy playing with Barbies, adore the color pink, eat kosher, cover our hair, and raise a family, it would be accepted practice. The other wife and her children would be a part of our family.  

Moreover, the thought of being sister wives with you, treasured Short girl 1, gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling!!  Life would certainly be a bowl of blissful cherries and might I add without the pits!!

Short girl 1: Well your last sentiment certainly sounds creepy and I am now having second thoughts about the entire thing. Please do not expect that there would be more warmth or fuzziness between us based on the arrangement. (...cheese??)

To anyone with reservations about reintroducing this wonderful and pru u'rvu-friendly practice please bear in mind the following:

As humans we are very adaptive; what seems preposterous to you now is simply a result of the way you have been socialized. The women of yesteryear did not know from anything else and considered this a normal way of life. Levels of happiness have remained relatively steady throughout history and across populations regardless of location, lifestyle, and the comforts of modern technology. If you cannot imagine being okay with this, try to anyhow. This message is brought to you by national geographic and the history channel. 

Short girl 2: What happened to being excited? I am actually quite hurt!! Trouble in paradise already?? Quickly e-mail me at so we can have a most intimate chat about this in cyberspace!  Also, first you are promoting sister wives, then you are turned off, then you are promoting again. I am sensing some change of heart, and fickleness in the arrangement. I think we know who the more stereotypical female is here.

Short girl 1: I'm only kidding, it would be lovely. As far as my bashing and then promoting...guilty as charged. A change of heart after careful consideration? An attempt to promote crap unto others that I would never wish upon myself? All of the above? Thanks for pointing out my flaws. AS ALWAYS. I get hubby this weekend just by the way.

Short girl 2: I'm so glad you can get honest with yourself short girl 1. That takes a lot of koach and especially on a public forum. Very shtark!

As far as getting our imaginary hubby this weekend, ok. But I get him next weekend. Glad we could work this out! Down with the Crisis ya'll!


  1. Dan.

    Are you allowed to have threesomes with your sister wives?

  2. Just file that under "Please do not expect that there would be more warmth or fuzziness between us based on the arrangement."

    I will consult with bilha and zilpa shortly for the official word.

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